About Me

Optimistic, realistic, candid. You'll find here a personal perspective. Even so, you'll come to appreciate that I'm around. Trust me, I'm a lawyer. Find me on www.twitter.com/Little_Lawyer

17 May 2016

It's been a while...

So guess what guys? I got engaged! Not only that...but I got married too. I've also changed jobs...twice! Well I have been away for a pretty long while.

It's kind of been a funny time. All of it.

I got pretty close to getting the job I'd asked the universe for. I was in a challenging environment and enjoyed most days, even though they were long and constantly full. I also had a man friend. And then he popped the question. And then I said "yes".

So after a few days of being on cloud 9, (for 2 weeks we celebrated with daily bubbles), I went back to work. I had happy news to share! But oh... I've been in this job for a few months. Surely they'll now think I would soon want children too. That my mind will be on other things. That there's not a long term place for me...

I'm sure that these thoughts were pretty irrational, but I was thinking them. My career was almost where I wanted it to be. I wanted people to see me as ambitious. I wanted them to see me as  strong, and professional. Not a woman who was full of cupcakes and flowers and who couldn't wait to make babies.

Why was I so bothered?

I guess the truth was, that whether I was ready or sure about starting a family, I knew that I wasn't in a position to hold out for long, so it would be inevitable that it was on the cards. I couldn't deny that. Although of course I was never asked to by my managers (my colleagues were another matter!) but were they thinking it? Did they see me as a risk? Why did I see me as a risk?

After some ridiculous paranoia, and plenty of other things to keep my mind on other things, you'd think that I'd have forgotten about it...now I'm married I'm just waiting for the "I told you so" and "it was only a matter of time" when one day I am blessed with the little patter...

It's tough for women. We know that everything has to change when issue arrive, and inevitably no matter how much we or the men in our lives Lean In, we are the ones who have to make the hardest choices and convince our peers that we're still worthy of our positions...there is no doubt that it's harder for women to keep a career when life takes over...